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The Feinstone Report 2/25/03

To those of us that are still trying to entertain themselves with madness,

I am back again, despite the drugs and booze, to tell you more of the adventures in which we have endured. Last weekend I was busy clubbing a baby seal and spraying mace on hippie war protestors left over from the sixties. Valentines day really gets under my skin. I threw chocolates at women and told them to fucking eat it, and enjoy me spending money on them. They didn’t so much appreciate it and proceeded to scream obscenities at me. To all of you that have meaningful relationships, I hope you had a good one. I am not bitter about not being in one. I am just tired of shelling out money for women on greeting card created holidays. Again, I am sitting with a cheap bottle of vodka and some pot. Why are bad things so inspiring to creativity?

And now the news:

After valentines day there was a rally in the appreciation of Curtis Bachle’s birthday. The troops were rallied and the wagon’s circled Omaha’s Billy Frogs for dollar drinks. And when I say dollar drinks, everything was a dollar, except the Irish Car bomb’s which were two. It was all good save one fact, Bachle was no where to be found. No phone calls, not a message returned, not even a phone call answered. Other than that there was a good time had with the cheap booze and what not. Some of us were even lucky enough to get a push from Mr. Toalson to get through the ice and snow. The conditions were horrid that night. We all made it through the after-hours and back to Lincoln unscathed.

A few days later Loftis and Bruning sent out on a mission to reenact Fear and Loathing at the Boats. Fucking crazy bastards about killed themselves. Soaking their souls in 2 days worth of booze, it was a goddamned miracle that Marty came to rescue their asses at the casino. They survived, fortunately, or maybe not, due to their apparent invincibility.

Friday was another party with no apparent meaning at the residence of 23rd and Holdrege. It was a back alley testament to the scum of Lincoln. Purses were snatched and cars were stolen. Of course there was a keg or two present, and amazingly Nick Maser was there also. I am surprised the devil did not order a Trane air conditioner for this occasion. Some thugs had the courage to attend and wreak havoc on us not so law abiding citizens. Jason ended the evening by dancing around his living room with loud music. He can have his own party and entertain himself.

The next day was an old school small town road trip experienced by those that love it the most. A nostalgic journey to those that used to reside in the Oakland area. To the rest of us it was an adventure in the small town atmosphere that lead us to believe that we were home again. Maser would have attended if his woman would not have tied him down. Pedestrian played at the bar named “The Keg” and a party ensued that was the send off for our dear friend Brandon Wingert. He will be departing our grasps of assumed reality for the prestigious career of a military man. God speed man, and lots of respect. There were two free kegs that were made ready in that bar, which is like crack to the alcoholics that we have become. An open invitation for the freedom of madness. There is nothing like the madness that ensues within the ranks of our tarnished souls. It ensures that there are still other horizon’s to accomplish before we cash in our chips. Still more ways to twist our being before we can end our careers as thrill seekers and move on to the reality that is this society’s norm. There was an after-hours party out in the country and lots of good people were discovered that we would not have met under any other circumstance. The band was awesome and some said it was the best party in Oakland since 1978. I say it was a normal weekend. Phil was a lost soul for about an hour, and Jason went running off like a free’d animal out of captivity. Luckily, Martin had kept his composure enough to throw him into the house of rest like a bale of hay. Thank you Dillon and your plethora of grocery’s. Phil was found and Bruning was made to be put down by some tranquilizers.

Craziness and a weird wild path was inflicted upon our beings. One in which no one else is able to handle. Maybe God meant this for us, in order to push the extremes of mere mortals. We are the ones that people must look up to and say, “At least I am not like that,” or, “I wish I could experience half of what they do.” Either way, it is and adventure, a vacation from reality. Defying all the laws of nature and reality. Someone made us invincible for a reason. And that reason can only be found by pushing things as far as they will go until we find enlightenment or are road blocked by our own mortality. I have seen 2 men cry within the past 2 weeks, and weather that could end a person. Whether these were signs or merely hoops to jump through to build our life story’s is up to the next adventure that is going to take a hold of us. Until then, I hope you are all safe in your homes and we will see you in the next episode that is Mitch Feinstone.

The Eternal Psychiatrist,

Mitch Feinstone

p.s.- I tried to make up some words of wisdom, maybe I am just too messed up to know what I am talking about.

“Sometimes we don’t really appreciate the outcome of our own actions. But, as long as we believe in our actions and know that they were warranted, a person knows that he or she can stand up for what they know is right. Once this is evident, character is born. And without character you have no spine.”
-Mitchell Hannibal Feinstone Esquire


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