The Feinstone Report 4/30/03
To those who are dedicated. Dr. Love is here: Misty Federson has taken a liking to Phil Lauer. Marty has been dating an 18 year old. Also, Mike Blobaum is getting married on Oct. 14th with Michele and their first child is going to be named “Harley” and that is only if it is going to be a girl. (Psycho) Nick and Mandy are moving into a 2 bedroom apartment and are getting “closer”. Finally, Amanda Ferrell is moving to New Jersey to live with our man Strohli. She is getting branded before she leaves Nebraska.
Shit, forgot, Loftis is in love with someone again. She is the most beautiful woman he has met (this week). Kind of like an ongoing Miss Universe pageant, only occurring every week. All of the things mentioned since the last report have been far and few between. Mr. Nichols has since disavowed himself from the group. Not that any of us agree with the decision, but it his world squirrel. The rest of us just trying to get a nut…
You like jail Bruning and Jason? Want to make it a career? Almost been the most successful thing you have participated in.
So I remembered the night. Pedestrian was playing and booze was being distributed like popcorn at a movie. I believe it was a gin joint downtown Lincoln that it becomes the next Feinstone adventure. There was that band that bring us all together and drives us to deviant behavior like sperm to a whore. I blame the whole masturbation of fate on the absence of a party house. Whenever there was a party house there was an outlet of madness that had a disposal point.
What is needed now is a decent keg party with a snow blower and some old friends. We need massive amounts of beer and friends. Like the Blue October concert with Pedestrian. Only cheaper and containing more obtainable sexual innuendo’s.
Anyone found any new party girls. One’s that have no morals and just love to have fun. I am sure there are a few to turn up within this next month. And if not, I am sure some old friends will loosen up and gain experience in our ranks.
Kyla Lauer is beginning to feel the wrath of that, that is the Institute of Leisure and Social Activities. The super friends have shown her the hall of justice, and must kill her if she decides to share our lifestyle. Maybe she knows too much as it is.
If it gets too weird, take some uppers and wade through it.
You cannot horde fun, it has no shelf life.
If the beer is cold, there is no reason to stop drinking it.
Martin has been in the fighting mood lately. He also likes the thong. Combine them and he gets very angry. Like a teenager without a tampon. It turns out bloody, unexpected, and discomforting.
So, like who has a drivers license today? Anyone have a car? Maybe we should just go Mad Max on the city and take a “Beyond Thunder Dome” approach. Fighting for gas and transportation.
Drugs and booze are fighting in my system. Both twisted and stupid.
Marty and hermaphrodites. Jake and his anecdotes that end with a compelling chuckle. Hawthorne and making his own seating while eating a whole fish. Bachle settling down.
This is a time of self reflection, a time to re-establish the values that were taught to us by our families. A place to set our crosshairs at the head of the enemy. Our mission has never been established, nor our bearings been set. The only thing for certain is the necessity for success. Our appetite for gratitude.
We are Gods in our own world. To be anything less than a costar in the Feinstone movie would be selling ourselves short.
Wasted and Thinking,
Dr. Mitch Feinstone
p.s.- One man did not write this report. Just as one man cannot be the only character in an epic.