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Mitch and His Feinstone Report

Don't have to read it, but I suggest you do;

"What a sad strange trip it's been."
How has the last week treated everyone? Softball has started, school is almost out, and Loftis wants to get into shape for his bathing suit. Go for the Brazilian and nothing less.

You know what sucks about going on a date with a Ukranian woman? I don't know either, ask the squirrel. I am sure she is a nice girl and all. Just don't piss her dad ,Yakim Smirnoff, off. (That last rhyme just seemed a little too expected.)

As for the graduation thing Carmen obtained an academic honor, and Marty's girl got this really cool pin for her letter jacket for most improved honor roll student. You should have seen her prom dress, her and her friends do this really cool routine to the school fight song with their pom-poms during the.............. Enough making fun of Martin. There are just too many jokes.

I heard MikeyB has enjoyed the past few days alone with his girlfriend. Those darn kids and that mushy love stuff. Makes me want to vomit until I see yellow stomach bile and the carrots I ate 2 days ago. They make a cute tiny couple. Haven't seen their new house yet but I hear it is not a mole. (Shit I mean hole!) I think I am going to start calling MikeyB doctor. Because he sure has a lot of patience. Maybe a vet for cats.

Ferrell is on her way out of school, and out of Nebraska. Make sure you hang out with her as much as possible, cause not even she knows when she is leaving. Speaking of leaving, I had a mother Becky spotting the other night. It has been a while since she has participated in our twisted fun. It is also good to see Mike Nichols after his leave of absence.

Anyone go to the party on friday night. It reminded me of day care with a keg of beer. Trish running around asking people if she looks sexy. Lisa trying to make people behave. And those hippie out of work santa clause impersonators who resembled the common pederass. Don't get me wrong, it is nice to have a place to see your friends and drink keg beer. But, for chrissakes, bring some hardcore drugs next time and your membership for CSI. (Apparently that stands for Closet Sluts Incorporated.) Kind of redundant to call yourself a 'Closet Slut' when you advertise your name like a business.
What was up with the fake fighting. People were just joking around, and then they were accidentally hitting each other, and then Ethan thought someone called him Grimace and tried some martial arts on this dude. Oh, I heard that Ashley may have found an orgasm, and some guy deserves 70 bucks.
As for Saturday night, there was a couples outing to the strip club. That Foxy Lady is one classy joint. One time I got a private lap dance with some McDonalds coupons. I am sure she moved into a double wide after that night.

Maser has been decorating his new abode, Loftis is one of the few people with a valid drivers license, Cadillac made a pickup, and Bruning has held a job for how long?

This group never ceases to amaze me. No one went to jail this week but Michelle's car got broken into. I heard it got beat up so bad it looked puked on. Apparently Greg's face looked pretty sick after his last bout with John Law. Find a piece of wood and knock on it.

Is Kerry McMurtry dead? Haven't seen him for quite a long time. He can't be dead, those Oakland Craig kids are invincible. But Seriously, Honestly, don't you miss that bastard? I stopped pissing blood last week from my constant Kerry kidney pummeling's. I kind of miss that reddish tint to my urine. I get those 'Varsity Blues' when I think of all his antics. It is baseball season you dirty Mick, and I haven't seen you swing a bat for a while. Maybe he has found a new set of friends to shock. Or maybe he went surfing, surfing USA. Don't piss him off, Mr. Blonde will cut your ear off and pour gas on you. You just have to see him.

Let us make this a memorable summer. Work only when you have to, enjoy the sun like you have to, and I hope we all get closer as friends. There should be a lot of opportunities to hang out at the lake, grill dead animal, and drink some Corona'a on ice while getting a good tan. Course I am not a big fan of Corona but it gets the picture across. Maybe we can blow somthing up for the Fourth of July.

Well, I hope I didn't miss anyone. Say hi to all of your women and forward this to anyone who could give a shit. And if this really stirred up some shit, email me back.



the only official in this matter,

Dr. M. H. Feinstone




"Don't take any guff from those swine."- HST

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