The Feinstone Report 5/01/04
To my patient friends,
Are we the doomed? Or just the selected few, hand picked to experience the raw pleasures in life?
Back on the road again, in our constant journey of leaving our troubles behind. Do we have a destination thus far?
Well a few of us have blossomed into upstanding citizens. Or do we deem these individuals as deviants in our world of promiscuity. Have they quit "the life" we have labeled our own. Or will they be written down in history as alumni in our own sick fraternity of sorts.
I hope the latter is possible. For they, and their significant others, have inspired us in many ways. But the good Doctor Mitch will not succumb to the fad created by Nick Maser himself. It is a sick sort of idea you had, seemingly harmless. But, for fuck's sake, putting it in women's heads that it is possible to tame the rest of this motley bunch and then show them that they get a ring once we surrender? You people sicken me.
That's right folks, its time to play the match game. Not only did Nick and Mandy get engaged, but Carmen wanted to be just like her sister and Curt proposed to her. As if that isn't enough another victim of this 'Maser Virus' was Phil and Misty. They will be opening a Brewsky's at the Airport where the prices will then be jacked up as far as taking your soul for the next round of drinks. Finally, MikeyB and Michelle had a beautiful baby boy named Ashton Michael. I assisted in the birth myself as a fill in anesthesiologist; nobody had any pain at all that day. Ashton will be the next Joe Montana and the biggest pimp since his father. The best of luck to you all.
So where are people living now? Kerry and Lilly have a house in Emoha (I think that is the catch phrase today). This is positioned 4 blocks from the 49er Lounge. At least he has less ground to hunt for bums. Kevin, Ed, and Kent have moved into a beautiful house in south Lincoln. Clint has somewhat surrendered also and is moving in with Liza. Levi is living with "North Dakota" Greg in a manufactured home. Adam is now living with Phil and his sister and his cousin. Hear his sister is a cutie. Marty in Chicago, Ferrell in Jersey. As for our Loftis, he has been surfing the couches all over this world. Including parts of Europe and Iraq. (He took a wrong turn) Hey Greg, do they have Mac and Cheese in Europe?
I hope for a fruitful summer with hot women and cold drinks. With lots of sun, friends, and adventure. I leave you with an excerpt from my cold winter excursions:
"One more step, a lifetime to envelope. A journey to find ourselves
or our mortal coil we have tried to shake. Lick the blade, taste the blood.
Encourage the lust that spurs our humanity."
"Another night of drinking to take the edge off the last. Fuck it; you only live once they say. Unless you believe in re-incarnation. And I haven't seen god in a while."
"I hadn't bought a drink in 48hrs. But that still didn't get the monkey off my back. The booze still flowed freely like sweat through fat chicks pours after sex. And the disgusting thing about it was that I had experienced the latter first hand."
To boat drinks,
Dr. Mitchell Hannibal Feinstone
"Momma said knock you out!"- LL Cool J